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Nurturing Self-Love: Navigating the Postpartum Journey and Body Image

Bringing a new life into the world is an extraordinary experience filled with love and joy. However, the postpartum period, can also be a period of significant changes, both physically and emotionally. In this blog, we'll explore the emotional impact the postpartum journey can have on women's perceptions of their bodies and discuss compassionate ways women can support their mental health during this transformative time.

The postpartum body undergoes an incredible metamorphosis, adapting to the demands of pregnancy and childbirth. While these changes are entirely natural, they often bring about complex emotions and self-doubt. Weight fluctuations, stretch marks, and shifts in breast size can contribute to altered body perceptions, leaving many women feeling vulnerable and self-conscious.

In a world dominated by unrealistic beauty standards perpetuated by the media, societal expectations can amplify these concerns. The pressure to "bounce back" quickly can take a toll on mental well-being, adding an extra layer of emotional weight to an already challenging period.

We need to be able to empower our mental health with compassion through:

1.     Self-Compassion: Embrace self-compassion as a guiding principle. Acknowledge the incredible strength and resilience your body has shown in bringing life into the world. Treat yourself with kindness, understanding that every change is a testament to your journey.

2.     Open Communication: Share your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust – a friend, partner, or a mental health professional. Open communication provides a safe space to express emotions, fostering understanding and support during this vulnerable time.

3.     Realistic Expectations: Set gentle, realistic expectations for yourself. Recognize that the postpartum journey is a gradual process, unique to each woman. Avoid comparisons and allow yourself the time needed for recovery without the pressure of conforming to unrealistic standards.

4.     Health-Centric Approach: Shift the focus from appearances to overall health. Prioritise activities that nurture both physical and mental well-being, such as gentle exercises, nutritious meals, and sufficient rest. Celebrate the positive changes in your lifestyle rather than fixating on external appearances.

5.     Acknowledging Achievements: Celebrate even the smallest victories. Whether it's achieving successful breastfeeding, getting restorative sleep, or taking a moment for self-care, recognising these accomplishments can foster a positive mindset and contribute to improved mental well-being.

6.     Community Connection: Seek connection with other mothers who share similar experiences. Building a supportive community provides a sense of camaraderie, reminding you that you're not alone in your unique postpartum journey.

In essence, the postpartum period is a time of profound transformation, both physically and emotionally. By approaching this journey with self-compassion, open communication, and a focus on overall well-being, women can navigate this extraordinary phase with a positive mindset. Remember that there's no one-size-fits-all approach, and each woman's postpartum experience is as unique as the journey itself. By embracing these changes and celebrating the strength that accompanies motherhood, women can cultivate a positive body image and prioritize their mental well-being with compassion and empathy.

My Positive Birth Story

I had been in prodromal labour from 37 weeks. On and off I was experiencing period-like cramps, lower back pain and occasional short surges. I knew this was something that could go on for some time, however with my crippling pelvic girdle pain, I was hoping our baby would be born sooner rather than later. By 39 weeks I was having more signs of labour- my mucus plug was going, and my surges were more apparent. At this point I could feel a level of frustration and would use a lot of relaxation techniques to help get me through the day.

At exactly 40 weeks, I made an informed decision to be seen at my MAU to have an examination. On examination, my doctor found that my cervix was still very high up and babies head still not low enough. Therefore, we both agreed that doing a membrane sweep was not in my best interest as my body was not ready to give birth yet. In my head I felt like baby was not going to be born for another two weeks, so I decided to mentally prepare myself for this. 

The next day I continued as normal, spending time with my other two children, finding time to relax in-between. By around 6pm I suddenly started experiencing strong surges- initially they were only lasting around 30 seconds and happening every 30 minutes. I did not think much of this as I had already had many false signs of labour previously.  By 9.30pm I was having regular strong surges, around every 10 minutes and I was having to use breathing techniques to guide me through. I was still in denial that I was in labour and kept telling my husband not to worry about calling the MAU yet- luckily, he did not listen to me. 

I was booked in to have a home birth, so I was disappointed when my husband had called the MAU to find that the service was suspended due to ambulance strikes. However, I let it go, I knew this was not in my control. What did worry me was when I could see worry from my husband’s face- he had been told that our local hospital was at full capacity and I was going to have to drive to the sister hospital which was 45 minutes away. Luckily my in-laws were at ours- so the kids were taken care of by my mother in-law and my father in-law drove us to the hospital. My surges were intense and regular at this point, so I kept praying baby wouldn’t be born in the car! 

At around 11pm we arrived and we were greeted by the most lovely midwife. She was aware that I wanted a home birth and brought me into a room which made me feel at ease instantly. My midwife had the lights dim lit, tea lights put on around the room, the birthing pool was being filled up and the room was surrounded by wonderful positive affirmations. I asked for a Vaginal examination (VE) and I was at this point around 3cm. I was happy with my progression as I could feel my body doing what it needed. My husband put on some music in the background. My husband was amazing at helping me through my surges. With every surge he would massage my back and remind me to breathe in and out slowly to reduce any tension I had. By around 1am I began to feel more pressure so asked to be examined again- I was 5cm…at this point I decided to get into the birthing pool. The moment I stepped in it was bliss, the warmth really helped relax my body. It was not long until I felt a change; I felt a massive pop and a drop downwards- I knew our baby was coming. I had my husband call the midwife to let her know my waters had gone and I had the urge to push. This all happened within 30 minutes of me being in the pool. I began to worry as I thought it was too soon post my VE to be pushing, however my midwife was so calm and reminded me to trust in my body. She made it very clear that I was in control and would only intervene if clinically indicated or if I felt like I needed her. Holding onto my husband’s hands, with each surge I could feel our baby coming and that was when I felt that all mighty burn. I knew her head was to be born soon- I could feel myself initially panicking- but reminded myself to gently breathe baby out. Our baby’s head was born and I remember the midwife telling me how much hair was on their head. 

Before I knew it, at 02.01 our baby girl was born- I gently was able to scoop her into my arms and she gave us a very gentle cry. She was covered in vernix! My husband and I couldn’t help laughing as we had such gentle music on in the background and then as she was born the song 'A-Punk' by Vampire Weekend came on! The whole experience was so surreal and positive. I held her to my chest and as requested was able to keep her attached to the cord for optimal cord clamping. I had opted for my placenta to be removed via the injection, however my body had other ideas and I managed a physiological birth of my placenta. From there I had a wonderful blissful hour with my baby girl, with no disturbances- she managed to latch beautifully, and I could instantly feel myself creating the bubble of oxytocin around us. My husband was also able to gently do 'adhan' (call to prayer) in our little girls ears, which is something Muslim families do when a baby is born, to welcome them into the world- it is seen to be a blessing. She was weighed while I had a shower- 8lbs of squish! And once I had freshened up, I cuddled up with our baby again, whilst my husband and I enjoyed the best cuppa tea with toast! 

After having two very traumatic previous births, it was so lovely to feel in control and have such a positive birth. All be it, it wasn’t a home birth- but I still had the birth I wanted in hospital with an angel of a midwife. My husband and I will forever be thankful for her as she supported us and advocated for us in the most perfect way.

Birth Trauma & Three Step-Rewind

Unfortunately, birth trauma has increased within our maternity system. Sometimes a birth can be seen to be perfect but in reality we can’t always tell how that individual is feeling. It is important to note that trauma can also be experienced antenatally or postnatally. The Birth Trauma Association have written that 25%-34% of women and their partners have considered their birth to have been traumatic - this is massive! Some symptoms of trauma can include nightmares, panic attacks, anxiety, avoidance of the memory, tearfulness, feeling of failure and much more. 

What is 3-step rewind & how can it help? The 3 step rewind process was developed from a Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) technique known as the ‘Fast Phobia Cure’. This involves a trauma resolution process. This includes debriefing, relaxation, looking at outcomes and how to use those for the future in order to make changes and reduce anxiety around the traumatic memory.  3 step rewind can all be done without the practitioner needing to know the clients story in order to achieve the desired outcome. This can be seen as a relief for many, as sometimes telling the story itself can be immensely triggering. 

Session 1 involves the practitioner engaging with their client. The client can choose whether they want to talk about their memory or not. This period helps to build a rapport and trust between client and practitioner. At this stage the practitioner will scale their symptoms so that they can compare notes once they have managed to reach session 3. The practitioner aims to help the client find a goal and ends the session with a relaxation script. Session 2 involves the rewind technique. Again, the client will be taken through a relaxation script. In addition to this, they will be asked to visualise a large screen, where the client will play their memory forwards and backwards from 3 different perspectives. There is then an opportunity for them to remove that memory from this visualisation. The last session looks to see if the rewind technique has had the desired outcome, to which the practitioner will ask their client to rescale the symptoms. If necessary, the practitioner can re-run the rewind process again. If it is not needed, a relaxation script is used to strengthen the clients feeling of a positive and more confident future. If this is something you feel will benefit you, please do not hesitate to contact me. Together we can combat your fears and your anxieties.

What is a Doula?

There are many misconceptions on what a doula is and what service they provide. I was one of those individuals until I did the research. Throughout history women have continued to support other women physically and emotionally through the stages of pregnancy, childbirth and the fourth trimester. Over time a different type of caregiver for this journey was needed and this became the role of a doula. 

A doula supports the birthing woman and provides a holistic approach to care, ensuring that they can provide up-to-date research and information. This is important for the mother before, during, after birth and the fourth trimester to ensure the most healthy and positive experience as possible. A doula not only supports the mother, but also their partner. Their aim is to facilitate the couples wishes and choices in order for them to feel empowered. By helping them use their voice, a doula can remind the couple of their options using up to date evidence-based practise. Often it is felt that doulas only support home births, however they offer support wherever a birth may take place- home, maternity led unit or labour ward. What a doula offers depends upon the families they are supporting. The level of service reflects the support that is needed by them. Majority of doulas have completed training, therefore are experienced individuals, however it is important to remember that they do not replace medical professionals, such as midwives. 

There are two types of doulas: Birth and Postnatal doulas. Birth doulas tend to meet their clients at least twice (or more) prior to birth. They can become very important to the client and their family and are available to be on contact whenever concerns arise. As it says in the name, on request of their client, a doula can also be present during labour and birth. Birth doulas provide support, comfort, help with things such breathing techniques, positioning & most importantly are there to help the mother feel relaxed as possible. A postnatal doula provides support during the fourth trimester. The time needed by the client to receive support can last from a few week to even a few years. Postnatal doulas are there for the family, to help them experience a positive journey and transition into parenthood. They can help with a variety of things such as cooking meals, doing basic household chores (dishwasher, hoovering, ironing etc), caring for baby whilst the client get some time for themselves (shower, sleep etc) and helping with the school run & help take care of other siblings and much more. If this service is something you or someone you know could benefit from, please do not hesitate to contact me for more information. If you would like to research some more, Doula UK is a good place to start.

The Importance of Having a Virtual Doula: Personalised Support in the Digital Age

The journey of pregnancy and childbirth is a profound and transformative experience in a woman’s life. It is a time filled with anticipation, joy, and sometimes, uncertainty. Traditionally, expectant mothers have relied on the physical presence of a doula- a trained birth companion- to provide emotional and physical support during labour and childbirth. However, with the advancements in technology and the challenges posed by the global pandemic, the concept of having a virtual doula has emerged as a valuable and accessible option for many pregnant women. In this blog, I will explore the importance of having a virtual doula and how this digital support can enhance the birthing experience. 

A virtual doula is a trained professional who provides support and guidance to expectant mothers and their partners through online platforms. Using video calls, messaging apps, and other virtual tools, virtual doulas offer personalised assistance throughout the prenatal, labour, and postpartum stages. Although they may not be physically present in the delivery room, they play a crucial role in empowering and advocating for the mother's birthing preferences and overall well-being.

One of the primary advantages of a virtual doula is the accessibility it offers to women, regardless of their geographic location. Whether residing in rural areas or facing mobility challenges, expectant mothers can connect with experienced doulas who might not be available locally. Additionally, virtual doulas can be more flexible with their schedules, ensuring they can be present during crucial moments of labour, even if they are supporting multiple clients simultaneously.

Continuous support is also important in pregnancy/birthing journey. The birthing process is unpredictable, and labour can last for hours or even days. Having a virtual doula allows for continuous support throughout the entire labour process. Through virtual means, they can stay connected with the mother and her partner, providing encouragement, relaxation techniques, and helpful suggestions to manage pain and discomfort. Pregnancy and childbirth can trigger a wide range of emotions, from excitement and happiness to anxiety and fear. A virtual doula is well-equipped to provide emotional support, reassuring the mother, and offering a safe space to express feelings and concerns. This emotional guidance can significantly impact the mother's confidence and sense of empowerment during childbirth.

Virtual doulas invest time in getting to know the mother's birth preferences and goals. They can assist in creating a comprehensive birth plan, highlighting the mother's choices for labour, pain relief, and postpartum care. During labour, the virtual doula can advocate for the mother's wishes with the healthcare providers, ensuring her voice is heard and respected.

The support of a virtual doula extends beyond childbirth, as they provide valuable postpartum guidance. They can offer advice on breastfeeding, newborn care, and emotional well-being during the initial weeks after birth. This continuity of care contributes to a smoother transition into motherhood. 

Looking at all these points, the importance of having a virtual doula in the digital age cannot be understated. The accessibility, flexibility and continuous support they offer make them invaluable partners in the birthing journey. Virtual doulas provide emotional support, help mothers feel empowered and confident in their choices, and offe4r guidance during labour and postpartum. As technology continues to connect us in the new and innovative ways, the role of virtual doulas will undoubtedly become increasingly prominent in shaping positive and fulfilling birthing experiences for expectant mothers worldwide. 